Edinburgh: tea in the afternoon

There’s a meal that exists here that hasn’t existed in any other place we’ve lived. It occurs in the afternoon, as the name would imply. The consumption of actual tea, however, is entirely optional. 

Each restaurant puts its own spin on things, but the basic recurring elements of afternoon tea are 1) tea or coffee, and 2) a 3-tiered carbohydrate explosion. Sometimes a glass (or at the Bonham, free-flowing) champagne or prosecco is included as well. The tiers of the carb pedestal are arranged thusly: finger sandwiches on the bottom, scones in the middle, adorable pastries on top. Usually it is more food than can reasonably consumed in one sitting, and most places are happy to give you a doggy bag for any bits you have not managed to stuff into your face.

Afternoon tea (often mistakenly referred to as ‘high tea’ by Americans, unsophisticated rubes that we are) is big business in Edinburgh, with variations on offer from less than £10 per person to well over £50 depending on where you care to take your tea and how white you want the table cloth to be.

The table cloths were very white indeed at The Scotsman Hotel, which is where we first gave afternoon tea a try. Everything here felt very proper and dainty, like we were getting a nice authentic version of the afternoon tea experience. As it was the first one we did, we tend to use it as a yardstick to measure all subsequent afternoon tea experiences. The finger sandwiches were about as interesting as one could hope, I suppose, although to me they felt like they would not have been entirely out of place in a grade schooler’s  lunchbox. The scones were gigantic, and came with big glorious balls of clotted cream (oh how I love clotted cream) and little pots of jam. I had to remind myself not to fill up on them, as there was still an entire tier of the carbohydrate tower to go. The little pastries and desserts on the top were a lot of fun, both to eat and to think about eating (you get plenty of time to think about eating them while you’re still working your way up the lower tiers).

At the other end of the spectrum from the Scotsman, Eteaket in New Town does an entirely casual rendition of afternoon tea. They do a pedestaled version as well, but the one pictured above (‘high tea’ on their menu) involves a half sandwich of your choice, a scone, and a single little pastry – i.e., a completely reasonable lunch, and a nice choice if you want to add afternoon tea to your Edinburgh experience without all the fuss and overeating. Plus if you care about the actual tea side of things, Eteaket is known as one of the best tea leaf purveyors in the city.

We were recently invited to try out the newly-revamped afternoon tea offerings at the Turquoise Thistle, also in New Town. They’ve traded out the bottom tier of the carb pyramid, replacing finger sandwiches with some very tasty savory pastries (I loved the cucumbery thing, others raved about the salmony thing). The scones get lost amongst the riot of pastries and other sweets on the top two tiers, which was fine by me. I was definitely a fan, and I’d recommend the Turquoise Thistle to anyone seeking a mid-priced slightly-less-traditional version of afternoon tea.

If you are planning on having afternoon tea in Edinburgh, you may want to have a quick search through the various daily deals sites (Groupon, Itison, etc.), as discounted afternoon teas tend to show up quite often. Most restaurants are happy to swap out any meaty savories for vegetarian ones, and some (such as The Scotsman) even offer completely gluten-free versions of afternoon tea. Now go forth and enjoy your food coma.