Last week my friend Em and I were wandering around London looking for somewhere to quench our thirst. Walking past one particular pub, something caught our eye. A leathery man standing outside with a pint and a cigarette thought it was he. Actually it was the sign next to him declaring all drinks half-price today. “Go on in! You know you want to!” We did.
After we picked up our delightfully affordable drinks from the bar, we turned around to see that outside man had come in, and was headed our way. “I told ya. It’s a good place, in’t it?” Actually, the sign told us.
“Where you gals from, then?” Before we could answer, some emphatic instruction was added. “Please don’t say America!”
“OK, I won’t then.” I looked around for a table.
“Ah, so you ARE Americans!” As if he had beaten some sort of awful, embarrassing confession out of us. “Nah, that’s not all bad. I love America, actually. Well, San Francisco, anyway. The girls there are always all over me when I tell ‘em I ain’t gay.”
Sure they are, buddy. Sure they are.
“You’re not? Such a pity, since I only fuck gay guys.” I didn’t really say that. Instead I ushered Em over to a table in the corner. He got the hint and left us alone.
You might be surprised how many dudes in bars try to lead with the “You’re American? I hate Americans!” schtick. I’ve heard it a dozen times, and it still baffles me. I keep expecting them to follow it up with a discourse on how they despise pale skin and brown hair. Or talking to women.
What’s your favorite pick-up line? Does it involve an insult to the recipient’s country of origin? If so, please tell us in the comments how many times said line has successfully gotten you laid.
i wish i could explain why i felt obliged to follow his instructions. his first command seemed so wise.
I was walking a country road in Switzerland somewhere, and a totally cool guy in a motorcycle drove up and said something to me in German. I smiled politely and he figured out I don't speak German, so he said "guten tag!" and sped off. When I reconstructed the German later for my husband, he said the guy was asking me if I wanted a ride into town to have lunch.
Might have worked if I spoke German and weren't married.
Snap! I only fuck gay guys, too.
In the past year of living in Essex, England I've been asked if I'm from Canada 7 or 8 times, but never if I'm American.
Not sure, maybe they have a lot of Canadians out this way. Or maybe it's just a polite way of ascertaining (hoping?) that I'm not American. 😉
@ Heather in europe
Speaking as a Canadian, a lot of my countrymen get unreasonably offended if they're assumed to be American, while most American's won't care if it's reversed. So it's safer to assume an American's a Canadian – there's less risk of unleashing a tedious rant on universal healthcare and gun control.
Last time I was out at a bar in Reykjavik with a friend, an extremely wasted Icelandic guy (who was so drunk he spit a little when he talked…euw) kept telling me that I couldn't possibly be American (cuz I don't have what he called a "hamburger ass") and insisted to know where I was from. (What country is the right answer to get me a date with this winner?)
In other words, it was a total FAIL. (and I already have a boyfriend ;')
What worked for me was to ask the lady to marry me, buy the ring, have the ceremony and go on the honeymoon.
I was in London last week as well, for my daughter's graduation. She is one of you non-American lifers too. She gets asked if she is Russian,and pretty much everything but American.
As an American who grew up next to Canada (and spent the formative years of 19-21 drinking in bars legally in Windsor) I have to say I get very offended if people ask if I'm Canadian, lol.
@Kristin – Windsor and its bars have that effect on people.
Firstly, I must (shamefully) admit that at the impressionable age of 19 the 'I hate Americans' line worked on me. Anything is hard to resist from a man with an adorable Irish accent…
Secondly, I would like to jump on the Canada bandwagon and say that despite my American-ness, when I travel abroad I frequently tell people I am Canadian to avoid the obligatory 'let's give the American tourist a hard time' schtick.
However, I had to do this more when Bush was president.
Em – it was the accent's fault.
Stephanie – too funny! A motorcycle ride is definitely a better prospect then an invitation to hear about a man's San Francisco conquests.
Headbang – Lucky for my husband, I don't actually follow that rule. And lucky for yours you do.
Heather – I think I agree with Mark's explanation. It's hard to interpret an accusation of Canadianness as an insult.
Yessica – ha! "Any country you want me to be from, big boy."
Keith – Thanks for the term "non-American lifer". I like it. 🙂
Kristin – Alas, an exception to every rule! I used to hang out with a pair of Canadian guys who liked to run around the block naked after a 6-pack or two. Let's just say they weren't exactly representing their country well…
Rainey – Nooo! But yeah, Irish accents are pretty hard to resist. I'll forgive you. And I was hoping that this pick-up line had died out with the Bush administration, too, but I guess not.
Glad I saw this on my Google reader today! Really interesting post! In my experience, I notice now how all of those who share their negative opinions about the USA have either never been to America, had a bad experience with someone who came from America or they've only visited a touristy place like New York City for one or two weeks and didn't spend much time outside of the city limits. When I feel like talking with them about this, I find most Dutch who travel to places like Italy and Spain admit they don't ever go to a restaurant where only the locals eat, away from the tourists. And on that note, they hardly ever go outside of the touristy areas. They always stick with their tour group or stay on the resort, away from the locals. So they also don't have an experienced opinion about Italians or otherwise. It can be the same in America. Most who I know never have been to the Netherlands. If they even have a clue of what they're talking about, they assume the whole country is like Amsterdam. What's worse, they will assume that all of the Dutch sit all day in coffeeshops.
I wonder if there isn't a bit of reverse psychology going on here. Like you should be insulted and try to convince him that not all Americans are awful.
Also (and I'm not saying this guy was that sophisticated) there is a whole "school of seduction" that recommends "neg-ing", i.e. saying something negative to spark a woman's outrage and thus interest. I don't profess to understand this and I won't link to them but it's easy enough to google.
I'm old and married but must admit that I appreciate the direct approach, where the guy risks something. "Hey, is this seat taken?", "You look like someone I'd like to get to know.", etc. Sending over a drink is also a nice opener.
Several people have told me, "German girls always have sex on the 2nd date." I don't know why; in my experience that advice was wrong in 100% of cases (1/1). But, I'm sure that could be worked into an offensive pickup line…
"Hey baby. Why don't we skip the first date and go directly to my bedroom."
(I can pretty much guarantee that wouldn't work)
I am not sure this counts because it happen years ago when I was still living in Texas, and it was not really offensive. I was just paying out my bar tab when a strange (meaning both unknown and abnormal) woman grabbed the seat next to me at the table and asked me to buy her a drink. I declined because A) I had already drink enough to make the room spin and B) she was ugly as a box of frogs. She grabbed my hand and said "I finally got my husband to take care of the twins tonight and I want to have my fun, goddammit" at which point she latched onto me like we were conjoined. 15 years later I still get the shivers.
I get the "UGH you're American" line here in Dubai all the time esp. from Lebanese guys. At first I was offended, but soon realized they are the A typical "the media said so" types and don't even bother wasting brain cells to further the conversation – either you like me for who I am or get lost. I am proud of where I am from, I just prefer to live an expat lifestyle for many positive reasons that donot reflect negatively on America or my fellow countrymen/women.
I have been a few times to the USA. I love the country and the people (as long as we don't engage in a religious or political conversation). However, there is a kind of negativity all around the places I have lived towards citizens from the USA, unlike Canadians for instance.
From my humble perspective, calling yourself "Americans" is the first step to hostility since it shows (it is hard to disagree)a bit of self-importance (in the light of America being the continent and not only a part of it, although such an incredibly important bit). It would be like Germans or English would call themselves "European".
I know it is impossible to change that as it has been used for ages. However, please do this experiment for me, see how people react when you say "I am from the USA".
I think we humans spend too much time hating each other instead of embracing the wide array of cultures, religions…
PS By the way, this post come from a Catalan guy whose parents are Argentinean, whose grandparents come from Croatia, and who happens to live in London. 🙂
@Alexis, interesting. I usually say I am from the US, since I came into adulthood in the Clintonian overly-PC years and am sensitive about using the word "American." The thing is, where I live now, in Hungary, no one says "The US." They all say "America." Even when I travel and say that I'm from the U.S., the usual response is "Ohhh! America! What part?"
What I find curious is that people have no problem saying insulting things when they find out where you are from. Do other people from other countries get this? American politics and opinions of the country aside, when did it become acceptable behavior to insult someone upon meeting them?